i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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