I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
