You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
