We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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