i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
