I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
