You can't special order awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
