i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
