....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
