At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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