i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
