well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
