Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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