$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
