he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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