I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
