I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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