Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
