It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
