I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
