Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I puked a lego.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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