It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
