Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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