Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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