were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
