Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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