I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
