I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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