i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
