It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
