She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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