im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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