I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
