the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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