I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
