She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dick very happy bro
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
