he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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