i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
