are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
