but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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