I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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