just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
