i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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