It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
