Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
