You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
