ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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