Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
