I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
