Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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